It's currently 5am for me over on me little, miserable island known as the UK. It seems writing before you sleep is the best way to analyse the thoughts that have revealed themselves during the day, so I'm going to take this chance to write my first blog here at MudDomain!

I've never really been one for MU* communities, I've always found they held too much needless animosity and tension between members, especially when you're at a point where you wish to post something and bring up an issue, but constantly backspace to make sure you're completely un-flamable(if there is such a thing). However, I do see potential in this place and at this point find the members to be of a positive nature, something a personality like mine thrives on.

Anyway, what got me thinking today was in the form of a question asked by Caius over at SWC. Are you a project-guy or do you prefer seeing games through, sticking around to help run the place? This to me is one of the best questions I've been asked in a long time, and quite frankly, something I've never really thought about. So I've spent a long while thinking about it, in hopes of discovering something new from the situation.

I've been involved with MUDs for a moderate amount of time, I'm only 19, so I can't admit to having much of a historical development, or even gaming, background. Regardless though, I've always been more interested in the development area than the gaming area. Ever since I could remember I've wanted to be involved with game design as a career, a hobby, a way of life. It's part of me, something people have laughed at or criticised over the years but it's something I've stuck to, through the presence of MU* games, it's brought that reality closer. It's enabled me, since I was younger, to look at all video games differently, not just play them to burn time or because they're fun, but to analyse them as I'm doing so and I feel that sort relationship with games is hard to come-by at a young age. But does this reflect how I utilise the information I have? Am I simply hungry for information so that I can acquire even more information? What am I building up to?

It probably sounds like nonsense and may just be due to lack of sleep, but these questions followed the base question and I've come to the conclusion that I am a project sort of person. I become attached to the projects I'm involved with but I only see it through until the game is released, or if there's no need for me to be around to maintain it. I'm not an 'immortal' or staff member per se. I'm just a project worker that starts the games to later hand them off to someone else when the time comes. I just want to make games, use what I know to deliver some quality. I'm not sure whether or not that'll change though, during my time working with Caius over at SWC I've grown fond of the place and it's setup and may end up sticking around for a while longer. That's speculation though, I can't predict the future and neither can Caius (even if he is a skin-head Qui-Gon), all I can assume is what is most likely - and what's most likely is I'll find another project afterwards when my time is up.

Before I turn in for the night I have a few questions of my own towards anyone reading this. I want to know whether anyone else feels the same towards game development. I'm not asking as a developer but as someone taking a step back from it. Do you see games as I do? If not how differently? Do you stay to run them? Do you stay to play them? Or do you move on and start/join a new project?

Tsun 

Earlier this morning I recieved a call from my older brother, I was currently asleep at the time, trying to catch up after a week of hitting the sack at a regular 6am. One things for certain, not only was I pretty dazed and confused, but I was definitly -not- expecting a call from my brother. I rarely speak to him, so it was quite a shock to realise that not only had he called me, but was offering me a job to work for him at his bar in Bedford. Currently I live in a pretty stale 'has-been' city known as Peterborough, it was once a great place to live but now, like most other aged locations, has fallen to the ever-present ironfist of the chav. For those that don't know what a chav or chav culture is, theres an entry on Wikipedia about it.

I've pretty much lived in Peterborough my whole life while I've been in England, it's not the best of places to be quite honest, it holds quite a unique Tarentino quality about it that I really despise. It's gritty, dark, covered in litter, and generally holds the unfriendliest people someone will ever meet(although this -is- England we're talking about).

 I've been working as a graphical artist for a couple of years now, starting off as freelancer I let my income solely rely on commisions and word-of-mouth marketing, I'm not the biggest or best artist around, I admit, but it brought in some much needed cash in times of need. Earlier this year I was hired full-time by a company which produces small-time commerical graphical advertisments like signs, leaflets, flyers etc. Once again, it's not my dream job, but it pays, it's something that I can do and reasonably well at that. I needed something stable with a fixed income so I could miss the showers of 'Beans-on-Toast Thursdays'(and hopefully leave them behind forever).

Now though, when my brother offered me this job I really didn't know what to say. I had only just settled into my new flat after moving closer into the town centre, my deposit hadn't even been cashed. Now my brother wants me to move 50 odd miles to Bedford? It may of been because I was still half-asleep, trying to regulate my thoughts, that I simply confused myself... but would I really be good working in a bar? It's a big deal to me, I'm not the most social person ever, in fact, I -hate- the general public, I really do. A job which volentarily puts your neck on the chopping block is as good as a sweatshop to me. Customer service? Get lost. But in situations like this my optimism tends to rip back the curtains with a gung-ho roundhouse to the stitches - so, after talking with my brother a bit more, I decided I would give it a shot.

Yes, this post, apart from being on a personal level, is fairly pointless to post on its own, however in a way it's also a notion towards my iminent departure from MUDs for a while, maybe a long while. Theres no way I could work full-time and keep up my flow of productivity for Caius at SWC, it's simply unfair to even suggest I may be able to contribute. I'm a simple guy, trying to do two things at once is like juggling farting hippos in space vacuum to me, I doubt I'll even have an internet connection for a while anyway, let alone time to use it. That goes for this place too, even though it's still in Beta(I've said it a thousand times) this place has intense potential aslong as it's being kept in the air for all eyes to see. This will probably be my last sign of activity here for awhile until I manage to sort myself out, but I hope to try and check up to see how things are doing.

I wish everyone good luck with thier endeavours and I hope to see you all again sometime in the near future!

Tsun